16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
