I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
