Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
