Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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