it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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