I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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