u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
