she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
