At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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