just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
