She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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