i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
