"it" just moved
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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