I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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