Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I need to stop coming to work sober
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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