Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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