I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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