you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
