I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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