You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
