uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
