I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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