I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
