At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
how does that bad decision feel?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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