if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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