i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
