well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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