god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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