dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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