My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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