lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
