I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
