It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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