im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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