I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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