just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
