I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dignity is for republicans.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
