So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
