Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
