can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
