i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
