Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
