had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
