It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
