and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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