I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
