I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
