new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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