Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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