Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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